Last Vampire Movie Rant

Somewhere a while back I read that "The Last Vampire" will be making a debut on screen. However I have failed to find much information on that front. I saw what I'm assuming was a fan poster for the film showing Scarlett Johanson as Sita and Jake Gyllenhal as...Joel? Maybe...? Who knows. I don't even care enough to google how to spell their names. I have mixed feelings about this. I get territorial about ridiculous things like Christopher Pike and old Cartoon Network shows. I felt seriously violated when I heard they were making new episodes of "Courage the Cowardly Dog".

hahaha

New episodes?!?! Why?!?! Another generation can not cherish the same things that I grew up with even though that's basically all I do with my life - hoard items from kids that were around before I was even born...like my Christopher Pike books....uh...moving on. I feel like Pike books are mine alone and anyone who all of a sudden is jumping on the Thirst band waggon annoys me. I never had it easy like that. I couldn't waltz into Walmart and buy some huge three-in-one Christopher Pike book that doubled as a weapon or booster seat for a midget. I had to sacrifice, to crawl through gross thrift stores and deal with half-dead cashiers picking gunk out of their ears and weird old lady smells all to maybe find one book covered in scribbles in the corner of the building under an old mattress cover. I have put dedication into the man, the myth, the legend. (As my mom reads over my shoulder and says "Who's Christian Pike?" Sigh. The ignorant minds of the unenlightened.) I just dread that weird feeling in my stomach I'll get if a movie comes out and it says in bloody letters "BASED ON CHARACTERS BY CHRISTOPHER PIKE" and everyone will be like,

"OMG Lyke, Ella, this gui, uve probs NEVAH herd of him BUTTTTTTT hez kinda a gen-yus and rights theaze buuuks lyke, omg, ure weeeird and so yous probs lyke hiz bookz kay thesz weird tooooo. but i red all hiz bookz in like ten dayz and lyke i am hiz biggest fan, so EXCITEDDDDDDDDD four da MOVIEEE and for hiz next buk. 

 And I'll be pissed and want to kick a building to pieces with nothing but my feet and my frustration. Which is kind of unwarranted and unnecessary since it's stupid to care about who liked something first or who likes something best or whatever. Even though I care about a lot of stupid things....like irreverent teen horror writers from the 80s and 90s. Hahaha. Humor at my own expense. Hahaha. I'm so lame, everyone laugh at the lame teen blogger.


In other news, I'm starting the famous Master Cleanse tomorrow and I want a hamburger so bad I could melt into a jug and drink myself.


And I'm going to say if I have any fans out there that feel a compulsion to show their undying love for me, they can buy me these.